Traumatized...A Nursing Post

Recently I mentioned in a post about my recent daunting job interview that has been invading and occupying the back of my mind for the past two weeks.  (And if you count the weeks before it happened it would be more like a month!)  I have heard nothing.  Not even an acknowledgement that I interviewed at all.  Even though everyone tells me not to worry, that I've done the job before, that I'm excellently qualified; I can't help feeling that it's taking so long because I'm going to hear bad news.  And of course with any rejection comes questions of whether I should be doing what I'm doing.  I can't help it...it's just what naturally comes next in my mind.  The position is for a permenant charge nurse role.  A role I once had for about 6 years but had to leave about a year ago when I changed to night shift.

When I'm in the car driving to work, almost always I spend the time praying.  It's usually a similar prayer.  "Work through me, Lord, make be helpful and effective to my patients," or, "Give me the wisdom and endurance that I need to get through this shift."  But lately I often pray, "Lord, please don't give us more than we can handle tonight," which, when I think about it, is silly because He's already promised that He won't ever let that happen.  So, I guess my prayer is more like a reminder to myself, to muster my confidence.  He has always come through with that promise.

But the night before last, I had one of the worst nights of my nursing career.  It may go down as the 2nd worst of all time (the 1st of which I posted in my labor blog.)  I was the charge nurse working with, thank the Lord, some of the strongest nurses, staff, and docs on our team.  In the course of 12 hours, we had to call the police to remove a threatening family, we crash sectioned a patient who was 15 weeks too early because she was bleeding to death internally, we had to turn away ambulances because we had no beds, we had to section a woman with a BMI of 55 (obese is 30, people...not easy!), we did 3 c-sections and 4 other vaginal deliveries. 

You know it's not good when you have to stay late...after staying late...to write a police report. (And it's never good when you call security, and security has to call the police because even they can't deescalate the situation.)  I have to say in the midst of all that I said to God, "Lord! What about your promise?!"

If you asked me that morning, I would have opted out of that job.

I couldn't get the words those people said to me...the ones we had to remove by force...whose daughter was getting excellent care for a routine labor.  They used the word incompetent.  Incompetent?  Then I think of that woman with the baby in the NICU, and herself in the ICU. And her family was so grateful for everything we did.

Incompetent?  I've never been called that before.

Well, I know its not true, I'm quite competent.  And their daughter was well taken care of.  The mother in the NICU will be fine and the baby was doing better than expected.  And I realize that God did keep His promise.  We made it.  We even soared through it...even though it was a little traumatizing.  And I am better because of that night. I gained confidence, and experience, and grew in my faith.  It wasn't fun, but it was necessary...and ultimately a blessing.  (And honestly, it feels kind of good that God trusted me with it.)

Perhaps this post would be more appropriate on my labor blog, but for some reason I'd rather post it here.  I think because the audience for that blog has a little different "agenda."  My family and friends read THIS blog.  And sometimes it's hard to come home and talk about my work...so most of the time I don't.  Most of the time I need to leave work...at work.  That's probably why I haven't written in my labor blog for 9 months.  But for some reason...and I don't know why...I wanted to share it...and I wanted to share it here.  So thanks for reading.

My New Favorite Cookbook

Those who know me well are familiar with my total obsession with cookbooks.  They make me happy.  When I get a new one I read it line by line, cover to cover, often within one day. I read the measurements, the prep time, the step by steps. I'm fascinated by the different ways the authors create "spicy," or flavor their cakes, or construct a casserole; or what they consider to be casual or elegant.   For instance, take the word "spicy" for example: some use dried spices, some use fresh assorted peppers, some like chipotles in adobe, some like to remove the seeds and membranes of their peppers and some don't, some roast their peppers, some mince them up.  You get my meaning.  This is the stuff that makes the world go round...or at least makes my world go round...or makes my head go round.  (Or no, that makes me sound like I need an exorcist...so never mind.)

I discovered Ree Drummond, otherwise known as The Pioneer Woman, about a year or two ago after I saw her first book on the shelf of a Barnes and Noble.  I thumbed through it and put it back on the shelf.  But it held my attention and a couple days later I went back and bought it.  Here it is:

The Pioneer Woman Cooks: Recipes From An Accidental Country Girl

And as I normally do, I read it cover to cover in one day. As I did so, I really started to connect with the recipes and stories in the book. They reminded me of the way my Grandma Cleeta Sterling used to cook, and all the stories I heard about her cooking for the farm hands and cowboys, and how she could cook for a huge crowd in a minute's notice. The recipes in the book were simple and things one could find at a country picnic...the way I eat. She is also a talented self-taught photographer, and her beautiful photos of ranch life and her family are sprinkled all throughout the pages, intermixed with her fabulous photos of her recipes. She also tells in her cookbook how she started writing her blog The Pioneer Woman, which I logged onto immediately and was hooked. I still read it every day, along with half of America.

Anyway, I have found a new love. My husband, dear sweet thoughtful husband, bought me her NEW cookbook a couple weeks ago because he knows me well. And here it is folks:

The Pioneer Woman Cooks:  Food From My Frontier by Ree Drummond

When her second book came out, I wanted it badly and, thanks to my fabulous husband, I now own.  And I am NOT disappointed.  Here's a little tour:

As always, there are fabulous photos of her life on the ranch:

Look at that kiddo!  Reminds me of pictures of my brother riding grandpa's ponies...except those were Shetland ponies. 

She has her ranch photos interspersed in with her step by step photos of her recipes...which I love.

I want her garden...

And the food?  Well...

I've already made this and it was sooo goooood!

And this I want right now...

And I can't wait to make this Summer Stir Fry...

And, hello...Cherry Limeade!  Yes please!

And I love her because she included this photo...

It makes me feel better about myself.  I sort of want her to be my best friend.

I didn't write this post for any other reason than because this cookbook moves me...both of them do.  You should go out and buy her cookbooks...and subscribe to her blog...it will enrich your life.

I'm a "Curly Girl"

Get this book here.

This book changed my life.  No really, it did.  I know that they say its an old wives tale that pregnancy causes changes in hair texture.  But I am living proof that this is no wives tale!

I had wavy hair growing up.  Wavy, but soft and "swingy."  In fact, I used to get perms back in the 80s when it was "cool."  Spiral perms even!  Remember those?  I used to get them to "even out" my curl since I had curlier hair underneath.  Plus I needed that big hair WOW factor.  You know, the teased out bangs and the hair-sprayed-out sides.  Yes, my hair always performed well.

But then the 90s hit, and straight, stringy hair was the desirable style.  So I purchased a straightener and life was livable again.

But then... I got pregnant with twins back in 1999...and life got complicated.  My hair started curling in crazy masses of spirals.  Then I got pregnant again in 2001.  More spirals, more tangles, more frizz.  I pulled out and broke off most of my hair just trying to brush through it! 

Simple fix, you say?  Straightening iron, you say?  Yeah, it lasted about 4 hours...even with the highly acclaimed "products" that were recommended by my stylist.  And, it resulted in more damage than I ever had...even with the perms of my youth.

Speaking of "stylists,"  I had stylists "thinning" my hair, and layering my hair as if it were straight, and I'd go home to more of a frizzy mess than ever!

Then, I met this book.  Curly Girl: The Handbook by Lorraine Massey, and my life changed.

I came across it at the library, just by chance, as I was glancing through the "New Books" section and the word "Curly" caught my eye.  So I pulled it off the shelf, and because I wanted my hair to look like the girl on the front, I checked it out with plans to take it to my stylist saying, "I want this style."

But instead, I read it cover to cover that afternoon...and watched the video about three times.

And the lights went on, and a choir started singing...(not really.)

And I went to the shower and did what she said.  I washed my hair with conditioner, rinsed it, and then doused my hair with conditioner again combing it through with my fingers, and DIDN'T RINSE! And a hairbrush has not touched my hair since that day.  I followed the book to the letter.

Never in my life have I gotten so many compliments  No really, I have...almost every day...especially on the days that I wash it.  (Sorry, not trying to blow my own horn here, just trying to convey the dramatic change.)

The routines recommended by Ms. Massey are unprecedented and some would say even strange, but it has changed my life.  Now I look like the girl on the cover...only heavier...and with longer hair.  I guess now I have to work on the "heavier" part.  (Shoot! I guess it didn't take THAT away.)

More Spring

Ahhh Spring.  Warm conditions this year has made it spectacular.  I love pink.  And white...

...and lilacs are my favorite flower...so I'm in heaven.  Yes, my yard in heaven will contain lilacs.  And they will never stop blooming...

How could anyone NOT like lilacs?

I put bouquets of lilacs in mason jars around the house...

I love mason jars.

My daughter thinks its summer...

And she took up tree climbing...understandably...I'd want to climb that beautiful tree too...

I've been spending a lot of time at the library.  Why?  Because on the second floor, there are fluffy chairs facing windows that overlook this:

Yes, this was taken with my iPhone right through the glass of the window...  I love Colorado...and the Flatirons.  Another post for another day.

The Power In Spring

Yesterday was a big day for me.  I had the most daunting job interview of my life.  It was for a job I already had for years, but I had to step down to accommodate some needs of my family.  Now the opportunity arose for me to get it back.  It was a job that I loved.  But I had to go through the interview process all over again.  I sat in front of 11 of my colleagues and answered some of the most difficult and drilling questions I've ever had to answer.  It was scary.  I'm still waiting to hear.

In all my nervousness and waiting for the time to go through the interview, I went through the worst anxiety that I've had in my adult life.  It was debilitating really.  So I took my iPhone outside and started taking pictures of all the things outside that made me smile.  All the little lovelies of spring that I have in my yard.  And the peace of God started to replace all the worries in my mind.  Here are some of the things I saw:

It's a beautiful spring this year in Colorado thanks to our incredibly unseasonably warm weather.  The flowering trees are spectacular...way too early!  But thank goodness they are.

In the first chapter of Max Lucado's book, He Chose The Nails, there is a poem that is very appropriate for what happened to me yesterday in my yard.  I think Max Lucado wrote it because there is no siting to show otherwise.  Here it is:

He splashed orange in the sunrise
and cast the sky in blue.
And if you love to see geese as they gather,
chances are you'll see that too.

Did have to make the squirrel's tail furry?
Was he obliged to make the birds sing?
And the funny way that chickens scurry
or the majesty of thunder when it rings?

Why give a flower fragrance? Why give food its taste?
Could it be
he loves to see
that look upon your face?

Yes, I'm sure my face reflected my awe at what God creates in my humble little yard.  And the same Power that makes all these things beautiful and thriving is the same Power that takes care of me.  I think I'll be OK.

Learning to scrapbook on Shutterfly

Click here to view these pictures larger

OK, this was a test. 

I just registered an account with Shutterfly and I have to tell you that I'm fairly happy with the diversity of options available.  I've already made an entire scrapbook of our family vacation back in October in one day.  And I was extremely happy with the results.  (However, my family wasn't so excited...I can't get them excited about anything lately!)  When I used Shutterfly to post the above picture to this site I thought it was going to be just one picture.  But apparently it automatically makes a slideshow.  That's cool, but I wonder if there is any way I can change those options. 

I edited the above picture with my iPhone.  Here is the original:

Cute, aren't they?  I'm still editing on my iPhone because the editing capabilites I've found online or on my computer (I don't have Photoshop, I'm not that advanced) don't come close to what I can do with my little "App" called Camera+.  Love it.  Someday, someday...I will have a big girl camera.

Anyhoo...I'm very pleased with Shutterfly.  Just need to learn about the settings, if there are any.

Never Have To Buy Green Onions Again!

I can always use a little help.

A few weeks ago, I was browsing on Pinterest and saw a pin on how you can grow green onions in your window sill.  (I didn't even repin it or "like" it so I don't have any means of giving it credit.  My apologies.) A few days later, I was cooking dinner and was about to throw away some root ends of some scallions, so I decided to try it. All I did was cut about an inch above the roots, and then stuck the roots in some water.  I just used mason jars. 

I'm not kidding when I say the very next day there were shoots growing straight up.  The above picture are the ones in my window sill.  The long shoots were about two inches long about a week and a half ago!  It works so well!  I just cut off what I need, as if they were growing outside in the garden.

I love Pinterest.  I am now a better person just because I pin...  (I pin therefor I am...)

Just kidding.  But I'm always learning something or other on there.  I highly recommend it.