This will be a very difficult post to write. Not because I have sad news or anything. Just because I have to come to terms with something…and I thought that writing it down might make it more concrete for me. After all, the first step in a recovery program is admitting your problem, right? (Don’t worry, I’m not an alcoholic.)
Let me start by telling a little story. The night I was admitted to the hospital with my asthma attack, the on-call hospitalist came in to see me. He called from behind the curtain in his thick German or Scandinavian accent, “How are you do-eenk? Is eet OK for me to come in?” A short, stout, jolly man came peeking through the curtain. “Yes.” I gasped out.
He examined me and talked to me about my present condition, listened to my lungs, and asked me about my health history. That was all to be expected. Then it happened.
“Vat iss your BMI?” he asked as he scratched notes on his lap.
“I don’t know.” I answered shaking my head. Why in the world would I know my BMI off the top of my head? What a weird question. Especially since it was obvious I couldn’t breathe. Is that really a priority at this moment?
“I guess I vill haf to compute it myself,” he said under his breath. “How tall are you?...Vat iss your veight?” I begrudgingly answered him. He scratched more on his pad and poked at his pocket calculator. “Ah, yesss! You are obese.” And he left the room.
“Excuse me? What did he just call me?” I thought, quite put out. “Obese? That’s rediculous! I’m not obese!!! Not even close!” and then I thought about it more. “Oh Lord, how could this happen?...I’m…obese?”
I won’t exhaust you by telling about what happened next. You can read about it from my previous post. But when I got home I looked it up, calculated it myself, and looked it up again. Sure enough, it’s true. I’m in the obese category…according to somebody who made up this chart! OK…it’s time for me to be honest with myself.
I’m unhealthy! That’s probably the underlying reason I got sick! I’m “obese,” I don’t get enough sleep, I don’t eat very well, I don’t exercise, I’m stressed out…and now, I got sick because of it all. Something has to be done! My kids and my husband don’t deserve this from me. I don’t deserve this from me! This is not God’s will for me!
OK, so I have to make some changes. I have…(gulp)…to go on a diet. Weight Watchers (
www.weightwatchers.com) is a good one, I guess. But I have to ask, and mourn a little bit: how will I…someone who loves cooking and baking as much as I do…give up wonderful, delicious food…which I believe is one of the many gifts God gave us to enjoy! This will take a lot of prayer.
So, I will keep you updated. My goal is to lose at least a pound per week until I’m in the middle of the “normal weight” category (a weight which I haven’t weighed since highschool.) I have been successful so far since I was discharged from the hospital, (even more than that) but the first few pounds are the easiest. If anyone has any encouragement or suggestions for me, please post comments! (Because I doubt I'm the only one who has this problem! I think a lot of my readers could benefit.)
So, here I go!... It will be a learning process.